My name isn’t clarissa, I guess I can’t explain it all

And I’m not so simple, the future scares me after all 

But my eyes are hurting, from all of their work worshipping

So I’m feeling out her curves like I’m Ray Charles on Percocet

XO, not hugs and kisses but I’m addicted

All I can hope is that I won’t fail in my ambitions like Icarus 

Morning light, when it comes we’ll be just fine

As long we don’t get caught up in the war raging outside 

What war? The one where the soldiers march with their hoodies up

Screaming for justice, just another reason why this worlds amuck 

Drawing lines; paper, pencils or in the sand

And If you try to be neutral theyll kill you where you stand 

It’s backwards right? Murdering people for peace

This stanza was for trayvon martin

All he wants to do is rest in peace

I know I’m not perfect; I still talk in the third person

Plus I’ve never discovered the importance of being Earnest

My life is Wilde, what bothers me all comes out

When I think I’m not a menace, but was still a problem child

Time to down another bottle of gin,

7th bottle for all my committed sins

Deadly; dreaming of later days because I live for the weekends

Hearing echoes because she’s not silent

Dirty like diana, my co pilot 

She’s calling my name saying baby I know you want it

Paralyzed by lust, I guess you can call me havoc

Now I’m thinking of some crazy summers

My thought process is like scrabble 

There’s links to all my babble


Black America 

How can you say that we’re equals

When we have to fear walking the streets 

Fear we might encounter a “hero” holding some heat 

Not summer, but a gun dangling at the edge of their feet 

Is this the Land of the free?

The place that MLK dreamed?

First Trayvon now Michael 

Where is the justice we seek?

I’m terrified of even writing this 

And painting a target on my back 

Now I’m young, black, and rebellious 

The media hates that 

Will I be labeled a thug?

Will they say I deserved it?

Lord if you let them take me tonight 

Just let my death be worth it

Stop us from living in fear,

Making mothers cry for their sons 

Stop taking people so young

My children shouldn’t have to fear for their lives

 before it’s even begun 

And I am under the influence 

I need to be numb to this 

I don’t want to feel the pain

In case the bullets hit 

Forgive me for slurring my words

Forgive me for not walking steady 

But don’t forgive me for my skin tone

I know saying that could be deadly

And it’s a shame

Some things will never change 

It doesn’t matter how long ago we were being whipped and chained 

It doesn’t matter, that we fought to be free

All the freedom in the world won’t get these cuffs off of me

Who do we run to for protection 

In this supposed land of the free?

Certainly not the police 

Will they even call my mom 

When they leave me dead in the street?

Keep breathing 

Sometimes it’s a struggle to keep breathing 

Repetitive; bated breath 

Searching to solve the world 

Atlas; alas, I fumbled

No I stumbled

Never to rise again 

Shades of grey,

Shades of dismay,

Quivering hands

I should have ran 

Too late, stop delaying 

It was the perfect plan 

Sometimes it’s a struggle to keep breathing 

Repetitive; breakdown 

What are you supposed to do

When your worst enemy is you 

I’m a recluse 

Inadequate, worthless 

No future left in view

What do I have to lose

Sometimes it’s a struggle to keep breathing 

Repetitive; end it now 

Overdose, help me see more 

By feeling less

Weightless, floating, 

Im almost there 

It’s raining I swear

 these can’t be tears 

Fuck; I think I’m scared 

Sometimes it’s a struggle to keep breathing

Repetitive; Death Valley 

Vision blurred, words slurred

And I’m sweating like crazy 

Maybe I cowered

Or found some power 

Clarity; if I wanted to beat myself

I needed to change internally 

No outside force, don’t want your help

This was all on me

Sometimes it’s a struggle to keep breathing 

Repetitive; glad to live 

Failed back then 

Looking back on it now

Who I am hates who I’ve been


now defiant

This depression victim 

Forgot how to give in 

Sometimes it’s a struggle to keep breathing 


 it’s a struggle to keep breathing


Keep breathing



I was not magnificent I chased everyone away within my sight 

Now there’s whiskey on my left side

And gin on my right 

Someone send me an angel, im chasing demons away tonight 

With my words slurrin, world twirlin, I can’t walk without hurlin 

I don’t fear the shadow of death because my vision won’t stop blurin

This self-destructive life has gotten way too alluring 

Or is this feeling that’s what’s keeping me alive?

Is it too late to save my soul?

Will I ever be alright? 

But I’m a warrior,

so you’ll never see me cry 

At the rate that im going,

I think you’ll sooner see me die 

I’m a mess

I need a bullet in my chest 

I need to swallow a couple pills 

I just need to go greet death 

I’m sorry, it might be hard to hear this 

My sickness, word vomit 

I just hope you can forgive it

I’ve caused nothing good, just pain 

And If I really think about it

I probably stole all that I gained 

I’m worthless,

I promised I’d never sink this low

This is why I hate opening up

I know how these talks go 

So no

Don’t waste your breath 

Don’t try and help 

I’m looking in the mirror

I really hate myself 

Yes, I know that I’ve been blessed

But what good is that 

When I can’t find any good left 

And Even im disgusted

And even im disgusted by the skeletons that I found 

my closet is overflowing 

I don’t know what I’m doing

I guess this is what it’s like

To try and kill yourself

Will my life end in a period 

My flame snuffed out 

Will I be finally defeated 

Or will I fail at this too

What more can I not do

Is it time for game over 

Or is it To be continued like 


help me pick up the pieces 

I’ve got to be stronger than this 

I know I can beat it

Everyone’s expecting me to fail

Deep down, maybe I am too 

When I was at my lowest,

Who could I turn to 


Stop putting everything on yourself 

You aren’t a one man army 

It isn’t weakness to ask for help 

I know,

I mean what are friends and family for

This was all just something Id rather deal with myself 

I’m better 

I look back at my own weakness

Even I can’t believe that I was almost defeated 

I’m finally starting to love myself 

I don’t need to be perfect 

I love the cards I’ve been dealt 

I know that I am worth it

I probably had you scared 

I’m sorry 

I had myself scared too

With everything I would have gave up 

How could I have been such a fool

I survived the darkness in my life 

If you’re going through it so will you

I’m going to be magnificent 

I’m going to be magnificent 

And you’ll be magnificent too


She was divine
I think I saw heaven behind her eyes

Her only wickedness lie between her thighs 

Normally I’m not shy

But around you; I’m tongue-tied

Will you ever be mine?

Will you be my sun 

My warmth; telling me the loneliness is done 

Or my moon

Making me pray night comes soon  

You make me hunger like the wolf 

But your wickedness is what I’ll consume

I’m just ahead of myself 

I think I really need some help 

Do you even look my way?

Have you felt the things I felt?

All I really know is I want to be with you 

And her name is…

To be continued